Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it was like his penis was on wheels.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
