i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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