and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
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Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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