Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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