I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize