the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
