I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
