Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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