Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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