the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
