She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
