nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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