What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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