I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
