I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
