You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
