I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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