Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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