if i can run in heels then i can drive
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
