2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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