I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
