My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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