Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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