I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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