Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
