You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You were trust falling into bushes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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