why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
