I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
