There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
