she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
