Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
