drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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