Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I cannot find my penis.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
