you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
