I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
