Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
