I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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