she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
