i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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