I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
