So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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