She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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