I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
