Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
