like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
