This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
