I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
