I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
