That's when you crack a 10am beer
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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