dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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