She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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