we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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