i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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