I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
