omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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