Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it's like heaven, but drunker
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
