i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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