I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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