Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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