do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
