also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
