i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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