Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
