Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
