so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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