My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
