Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
false alarm. still invincible.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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