areolas are like halos for boobs.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
