I am puke
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
