Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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