my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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