I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
