I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
