Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.

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  (513): Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box. http://tfl.nu/uquv
  Replies (7) Good night (3372) Bad night (677)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

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  (570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning. http://tfl.nu/0ep2
  Replies (27) Good night (905) Bad night (6384)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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  (402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx
  Replies (4) Good night (2631) Bad night (569)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him

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  (336): he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down (919): i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him http://tfl.nu/upw6
  Replies (67) Good night (4003) Bad night (1226)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?

  (830): View more from Texas

  its hotter. Way hotter.

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  (512): Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this? (830): its hotter. Way hotter. http://tfl.nu/1e9l
  Replies (61) Good night (3596) Bad night (807)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.

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  (519): You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night. http://tfl.nu/cmtj
  Replies (3) Good night (2256) Bad night (765)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?

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  (815): Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed? http://tfl.nu/op28
  Replies (29) Good night (856) Bad night (4483)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"

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  (608): so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!" http://tfl.nu/79w8
  Replies (37) Good night (9934) Bad night (2243)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup

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  (416): he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup http://tfl.nu/u0xy
  Replies (20) Good night (1595) Bad night (5394)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.

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  (316): Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her. http://tfl.nu/l2pb
  Replies (31) Good night (4599) Bad night (1159)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.

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  (775): Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think. http://tfl.nu/vd5v
  Replies (2) Good night (563) Bad night (1054)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.

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  (507): He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool. http://tfl.nu/651b
  Replies (6) Good night (1241) Bad night (562)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.

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  (334): Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner. http://tfl.nu/nga8
  Replies (4) Good night (511) Bad night (767)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.

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  (419): Oh and yeah that does count as public urination. http://tfl.nu/7asx
  Replies (0) Good night (358) Bad night (341)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.

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  (251): Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them. http://tfl.nu/7qa6
  Replies (0) Good night (233) Bad night (480)

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