He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.