So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
