Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.