Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
