I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
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did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.