Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
