Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
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Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker