Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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