Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.