Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
