Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
