As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
