FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
