I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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