can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
